Failed Archie TV Pilots

Have you ever wondered why there has never been a live-action Archie TV series? Maybe it's because THIS is the type of garbage that Hollywood was trying to shove down our throats!

First, we have this clip from a 1964 unsold Archie sitcom. I wonder why the show was never picked up? Maybe it has something to do with Mr. Weatherbee spending nearly half the clip having a mental breakdown and bitching about Archie. And my God, when did Miss Grundy become so horny? And when did Jughead become a "lover"? Oh, and P.S. Jughead, I don't think Rock Hudson had any problems with girls fighting over him.



Twenty-six years later in 1990, another Archie pilot was made. This was a made-for-TV-movie that was supposed to serve as a back door to a weekly TV series. "To Riverdale and Back Again" featured Archie, Betty, Veronica, Jughead, Reggie, and the rest of the cast as adults attending their 15- year high school reunion (yes, very "Big Chill" of them). The only problem is that the movie was lame and nobody bought their "adult" problems: Archie as a lawyer about to leave Riverdale with a bitchy fiancee named Pam, Betty as an elementary school teacher with an abusive fiance named Robert, Veronica as the head of Lodge Enterprises in Paris with a string of ex-husbands, Jughead as a divorced psychiatrist with an annoying son, Reggie as a local entrepreneur that was bent on destroying Pop Tate, and best of all...Big Ethel as sexy blonde international model!

Here is the scene at their reunion when the band gets together to perform again:



God, Mr. Weatherbee looks creepy at the 0:41 mark! By the way, that's Big Moose and Midge dancing at the 4:06 mark. And their son is the kid hanging out with Jughead's son and Big Ethel.

Now, if that weren't lame enough, check out this scene earlier in the movie featuring Jugheads' impromptu rap version of "Sugar, Sugar":



After watching 0:29-0:31, I need therapy!!

Sigh...this is why Gossip Girl and 90210 end up on The CW.